I know the torture of…
being trapped in a bondage you loathe yourself for, even as you’re doing it.
Sin is like an abusive lover that knows where you live and shows up unexpectedly, demanding to be let in. It appeals to what you once had, the way you were, and seduces with the lie that only they know the real you.
The only thing scarier than this violent and destructive past visiting you is the discovery of your own desire to open the door and let it back in. The compulsion to return to what you know was harmful and destructive (both to you and others) is not something that disappears as soon as you believe and are baptized. In fact, the Bible tell us that the flesh - that part of us that responds so willingly to our past - will always be with us while we live in the tents of our bodies on earth.
But there is someone else knocking at your door also: a Savior who stands waiting to be let in - into your heart, into your mess, into the hopelessness, shame, and weakness you feel. It is for these very things He came: while we were still powerless and enemies of God, hostile to Him in our minds, to lay down His life for us and bring us into an unbreakable relationship with Himself. Our God who was not offended by your sin but died to free you from it is the same One who is committed to working out His salvation in you as you continue to trust Him enough to let Him in, let Him feed you, and let Him lead you.
In a workshop for Victims of Violence that I took over a decade ago, one of the other survivors described a way of dealing with flashbacks: her boyfriend would lead her outside to any nearby tree. She said that the tangible sensation of the tree bark brought her back from the vivid memory of trauma to the present reality.
Jesus understood the power of having and holding something tangible to reestablish us not only in the present reality, but also in an eternal one. So to those whom He loved, Jesus said to take and eat bread as though it was His body that was broken to spare us from our brokenness, and to drink in the grapes as sweet as the forgiveness that was poured out for us in His blood. He revealed His love for us not when we were free from our sin, but in the very midst of it.
I pray that this ministry would equip you to touch the Tree of Calvary in every moment of need, to return your soul to the rest in the truth that God is for us in every way. His very flesh, His own blood are the feast He holds forth for all who hear His voice and open to let Him in, deeper still, to every part in need of saving. May we receive all He has already given, and keep ourselves in the love of God so profoundly that we truly grasp the good news we have believed in every part of our being. The gospel is the power of God for our salvation – not just when we first believe – but all the more as we grow in knowing and relying on the truth of His love for us given in Jesus.